The Turnip News
A unified umbrella of excitement encompassed the nation’s drug dealers
yesterday after ongoing news suggested that Justin Bieber may be headed for an
epic meltdown.
The possibility of a nervous breakdown has gotten drug dealers across the
country chomping at the bit to make a fortune off the possibility of Bieber
scoring copious amounts of narcotics.
“This is a great time to sell drugs,” said area kingpin DeMarcus Smith who has
been dealing heroin, crytal meth and marijuana for the last seven years.
“We’re on the verge of making some serious cash. I’ve got all my resources
letting Bieber know that when he needs us, we’re just a phone call away.”
Dealers have also been deliberately saving their product in order to have a
massive stash ready for when they get the call. “I can’t contain my excitement
for when that happens,” said Jeremy Boulding who sells mainly ecstasy.
“When he calls, I’m gonna have a shit-ton of drugs for the little guy. And if
he buys in bulk, I’ll of course give him a discount. The more drugs he buys
from me, the better,” said Boulding.
No reports have actually proven Bieber is taking drugs, but the pop star did
recently call a dealer living in California and asked if he could buy $340 worth of
smack for his “friend”.
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