Monday, March 31, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Weirdo On Bus Just Sitting There, Not Playing With Phone
The Turnip News
Local public Transit passengers confirmed there was a freak amongst them this morning after seeing a fellow bus rider just sitting in his seat, not using any kind of electronic device. “He was just plopped down in his seat, staring out the window and not using his handheld. It was very bizarre,” exclaimed Kathy Shorman, 33, who was near the obviously mentally deranged psycho. “No Facebook surfing, no texting, nothing – just riding the bus without any kind of entertainment. Fucking creep,” she added.
Before reports had surfaced in various media outlets, passengers who had yet to Tweet about the modern-day-nutcase had actually witnessed the crazy fuck take a quick nap. “How is he not texting someone or looking at Youtube!? I mean, something’s very wrong here. I’m glad I’m not sitting next to him,” said Jordan Hallwell, 28. At press time, the passengers managed to glance up from their smartphones for two seconds in relief to notice the psycho getting off at a downtown stop. “Phew, glad he’s gone,” said Hallwell before quickly returning to his online Scrabble game on his iPhone.
Local public Transit passengers confirmed there was a freak amongst them this morning after seeing a fellow bus rider just sitting in his seat, not using any kind of electronic device. “He was just plopped down in his seat, staring out the window and not using his handheld. It was very bizarre,” exclaimed Kathy Shorman, 33, who was near the obviously mentally deranged psycho. “No Facebook surfing, no texting, nothing – just riding the bus without any kind of entertainment. Fucking creep,” she added.
Before reports had surfaced in various media outlets, passengers who had yet to Tweet about the modern-day-nutcase had actually witnessed the crazy fuck take a quick nap. “How is he not texting someone or looking at Youtube!? I mean, something’s very wrong here. I’m glad I’m not sitting next to him,” said Jordan Hallwell, 28. At press time, the passengers managed to glance up from their smartphones for two seconds in relief to notice the psycho getting off at a downtown stop. “Phew, glad he’s gone,” said Hallwell before quickly returning to his online Scrabble game on his iPhone.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Homeless Now Living in Ottawa Potholes
The Turnip News
OTTAWA, ONT. – Canada’s capital has been
applauded for its innovative use of potholes throughout the city. Instead of
just being burdens on drivers and cyclists as well as horrendous eye-sores,
several potholes around Ottawa have been used as places to live for the
homeless. With shelters being over-crowded this time of year and a lack of
social programs to help them obtain jobs, many homeless people in the area have
turned to potholes as a safe refuge of warmth and shelter.Some of the deeper, larger potholes even have the depth to create more than one living space – according to one man who has been living on the street for over a decade and just recently found his new “apartment” in the ground. “Check this out. I’ve got a dining room here, and my bedroom is over there,” echoed Barrie Johnson from the bottom of the pothole pointing out different corners of the dark abyss. “I know it’s hard to picture, but I actually have friends over sometimes and I even have a date tonight! Which reminds me, I gotta clean the place up a bit ya know!?,” he added while nearby cars roared passed.
<< >>
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)