The Turnip News
Popular yoga apparel company Lululemon watched horrifyingly as their stock fell an astonishing 12 points overnight following a public citing of Rosie O’Donnell jogging while wearing a pair of the brand’s pants.
Hefty in her bulge and rife with sweat pouring out of every orifice, the talk show host was seen briskly waddling around a local park, gasping and wheezing in between every choking breath. Her plump, rotunde figure created unimaginable and fantastic shapes with each movement of her torso. Like a large jelly-fish pulsating through the water at molasses-like speed, O'Donnell single-handedly delivered a terrible blow to the once thriving business.
And with each stomp of her bulbous feet slamming onto the cold concrete in some kind of fat pattern of misguided attempts at weight loss, Lululemon saw its stock lower and lower and lower.
“On the cusp of one of our best years ever in this business, I’m ashamed to admit that our stockholders are now very upset having seen footage of Rosie jogging while wearing XXL-sized pants without logo imprinted on them,” said Lululemon spokesperson Erin Hochstein. “To our credit, the pants were about three sizes too small, so it’s not completely our fault.”
Company stakeholders were reportedly seen selling their shares faster than Rosie could inhale two breakfast sandwiches at once.
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Hefty in her bulge and rife with sweat pouring out of every orifice, the talk show host was seen briskly waddling around a local park, gasping and wheezing in between every choking breath. Her plump, rotunde figure created unimaginable and fantastic shapes with each movement of her torso. Like a large jelly-fish pulsating through the water at molasses-like speed, O'Donnell single-handedly delivered a terrible blow to the once thriving business.
And with each stomp of her bulbous feet slamming onto the cold concrete in some kind of fat pattern of misguided attempts at weight loss, Lululemon saw its stock lower and lower and lower.
“On the cusp of one of our best years ever in this business, I’m ashamed to admit that our stockholders are now very upset having seen footage of Rosie jogging while wearing XXL-sized pants without logo imprinted on them,” said Lululemon spokesperson Erin Hochstein. “To our credit, the pants were about three sizes too small, so it’s not completely our fault.”
Company stakeholders were reportedly seen selling their shares faster than Rosie could inhale two breakfast sandwiches at once.
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HAHAHHAA BEST ONE YET (I think)
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