The Turnip News
BARRHAVEN - A Microsoft Word document depicting shocking threats of violence toward a young girl if a ransom is not paid before sunset tomorrow, contained no grammatical or spelling errors, according to the program’s spell check.
The document, written by a psychotic child molester who kidnapped an 11-year-old student at a nearby elementary school, contained exceptional punctuation, grammar and sentence structure.
It’s not known if the young hostage is unharmed, but what is known was that a clear and concise 1-pager had no reason whatsoever to produce any results from the spell check, which automatically generated the pop-up box “The spelling and grammar check is complete”.
“Aside from the obvious seriousness of this note… I mean the guy threatens to murder this poor girl who has been missing for a few days now…It’s actually very well written and gets straight to the point,” exclaimed Joel Hamilton of the Kidnapping and Missing Persons division at RCMP HQ.
“Don’t get me wrong. There is some pretty disturbing shit in this, but it’s done so professionally, I gotta tip my hat to the sick bastard,” added Hamilton, who is nowhere near solving the case, nor does he have any leads of any kind.
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BARRHAVEN - A Microsoft Word document depicting shocking threats of violence toward a young girl if a ransom is not paid before sunset tomorrow, contained no grammatical or spelling errors, according to the program’s spell check.
The document, written by a psychotic child molester who kidnapped an 11-year-old student at a nearby elementary school, contained exceptional punctuation, grammar and sentence structure.
It’s not known if the young hostage is unharmed, but what is known was that a clear and concise 1-pager had no reason whatsoever to produce any results from the spell check, which automatically generated the pop-up box “The spelling and grammar check is complete”.
“Aside from the obvious seriousness of this note… I mean the guy threatens to murder this poor girl who has been missing for a few days now…It’s actually very well written and gets straight to the point,” exclaimed Joel Hamilton of the Kidnapping and Missing Persons division at RCMP HQ.
“Don’t get me wrong. There is some pretty disturbing shit in this, but it’s done so professionally, I gotta tip my hat to the sick bastard,” added Hamilton, who is nowhere near solving the case, nor does he have any leads of any kind.
<<>>
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