The Turnip NewsCUMBERLAND - A recently unemployed Ted Ryerson told reporters yesterday he is proud that his lack of financial stability to purchase an automobile has enabled him to do his inconsequential part to help the environment. “I just do what I can so this planet has a brighter future for our children,” explained Ryerson while waiting on the corner of 5th Ave. for the next bus to take him to the grocery store. “That and the fact that I have no money to buy any type of car whatsoever,” he added.
Sources close to Ryerson confirmed his self-pride in walking everywhere, taking his bike to work and relying on transportation from family, friends and the occasional date. “By carpooling, we’re really making a conscious decision to reduce the amount of exhaust fumes in the atmosphere. That, and the fact that I wouldn’t even have enough cash to buy a Geo fucking Metro, let alone pay for a lease or any sort of insurance,” he said.
The soon-to-be-unemployment-insurance-registered Ryerson admitted although a car would help him get around easier, it’s a small sacrifice for the good of the planet. “Sure, I would like to head over to Blockbuster once in a while and NOT have the trip take me three hours, but I’m making a decision to go green." Ryerson was then unavailable for comment because he had to get on the #2 bus toward downtown, then hop on the #95 East route and hopefully catch a local bus in order to go pick up his laundry which had been in the dryer for over five hours.
<<>>
No comments:
Post a Comment