"How can you charge a robot with murder? It's absurd."
The Turnip News
A shocking twist in the Oscar Pistorius murder trial revealed a new defense strategy by the Paralympian’s team of lawyers: their client is a robot and robots can’t be charged with murder.
Alleging that Pistorius is a cybernetic end-oskeleton with intricate mechanical parts molded together under living tissue, the Defense argued that to charge this cyborg with murder is like putting a toaster oven on the witness stand.
“It’s absolutely absurd,” exclaimed David Richardson, a member of the Defense’s legal council. “How can the courts justify this charge when the evidence is right in front of them – look at his legs for Christ’s sake! He’s a goddamn robot!”
Further deliberations in court involved questioning friends and family about the validity of Pistorius' existence as a so called “human being” and whether or not he shared definitive characteristics of a living, breathing mammal.
“Can you be certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that your son, is in fact…human? Mrs. Pistorius?,” inquired Richardson to the defendant’s mother.
“….I can’t say for certain… but I’m pretty sure he’s man and not machine… I think…” she replied.
“No further questions, your honour,” exclaimed Richardson.
Tomorrow’s deliberations are expected to include in-court tests that will determine if Pistorius is capable of solving highly complex mathematical problems, dividing massive integers quickly or if he’s physically capable of experiencing human emotions of any kind.
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The Turnip News
A shocking twist in the Oscar Pistorius murder trial revealed a new defense strategy by the Paralympian’s team of lawyers: their client is a robot and robots can’t be charged with murder.
Alleging that Pistorius is a cybernetic end-oskeleton with intricate mechanical parts molded together under living tissue, the Defense argued that to charge this cyborg with murder is like putting a toaster oven on the witness stand.
“It’s absolutely absurd,” exclaimed David Richardson, a member of the Defense’s legal council. “How can the courts justify this charge when the evidence is right in front of them – look at his legs for Christ’s sake! He’s a goddamn robot!”
Further deliberations in court involved questioning friends and family about the validity of Pistorius' existence as a so called “human being” and whether or not he shared definitive characteristics of a living, breathing mammal.
“Can you be certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that your son, is in fact…human? Mrs. Pistorius?,” inquired Richardson to the defendant’s mother.
“….I can’t say for certain… but I’m pretty sure he’s man and not machine… I think…” she replied.
“No further questions, your honour,” exclaimed Richardson.
Tomorrow’s deliberations are expected to include in-court tests that will determine if Pistorius is capable of solving highly complex mathematical problems, dividing massive integers quickly or if he’s physically capable of experiencing human emotions of any kind.
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PHOTO: An X-Ray camera in court took a specialized
photograph of the Defendant to reveal if his insides were made of flesh and
bone or rather an intricate set of machinery, buttons, lights and wires.
The picture is genius.
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