The Turnip News
After the assassination attempt on Ottawa Senators’ Erik Karlsson failed, Pittsburgh Penguins controversial forward Matt Cooke snuck into his hospital room to finish the job.
Targeted for termination by an undisclosed source, Karlsson was supposed to die on the ice just last week after Cooke’s mismanaged murder attempt only left the Senators all-star defenceman with a severed achilles tendon.
Cooke knew his own life was in danger if he did not complete his mission. Disguised as a doctor, the fourth-line left-winger waltzed into Karlsson’s room while he was asleep following surgery and attempted to use his IV drip to inject poison into his bloodstream. However, his plan was foiled after hospital staff walked in on Cooke trying to deliver the deadly serum. He then jumped out of the window and scaled down the hospital wall holding a walkee-talkee yelling “Abort! Abort! I’ve been compromised!”.
As of press time, Cooke was unavailable for comment and Karlsson increased his bed-side security to deter any other Penguin assassination attempts.
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After the assassination attempt on Ottawa Senators’ Erik Karlsson failed, Pittsburgh Penguins controversial forward Matt Cooke snuck into his hospital room to finish the job.
Targeted for termination by an undisclosed source, Karlsson was supposed to die on the ice just last week after Cooke’s mismanaged murder attempt only left the Senators all-star defenceman with a severed achilles tendon.
Cooke knew his own life was in danger if he did not complete his mission. Disguised as a doctor, the fourth-line left-winger waltzed into Karlsson’s room while he was asleep following surgery and attempted to use his IV drip to inject poison into his bloodstream. However, his plan was foiled after hospital staff walked in on Cooke trying to deliver the deadly serum. He then jumped out of the window and scaled down the hospital wall holding a walkee-talkee yelling “Abort! Abort! I’ve been compromised!”.
As of press time, Cooke was unavailable for comment and Karlsson increased his bed-side security to deter any other Penguin assassination attempts.
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Haha. The headline alone is great! (Post that on your FB)
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