The Turnip News
Movie stars, film producers and famous directors all gathered last night to help raise awareness for what is deemed as a “significant threat” to our country’s two-headed turtle population. The fundraiser hosted at George Clooney’s estate in the Hollywood Hills attracted hundreds of motion picture icons as well as conservation and wildlife activists.
“Did you know that one-in-three two-headed turtles will die each year before they reach maturity?” exclaimed Matt Damon. “I mean… seeing as how there are only three, two-headed turtles in the world, it really is shocking. We have to step up to the plate and find a way to help save these rare species of freak genetic mutation,” he added.
When asked about why the celebrities were not creating a fundraiser for something more common like cancer, diabetes or AIDS, many of the actors took offence. “How dare you bring that up here! We’re here to fight for something noble. The two-headed turtle is nearly extinct and all you can think of is cancer? Get out!,” said Sean Penn angrily.
The evening raised a total of $46 million to ensure the survival of one of three, two-headed turtles. “And with your support next year, we can hopefully earn enough to help support the other two…” said Bono.
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Movie stars, film producers and famous directors all gathered last night to help raise awareness for what is deemed as a “significant threat” to our country’s two-headed turtle population. The fundraiser hosted at George Clooney’s estate in the Hollywood Hills attracted hundreds of motion picture icons as well as conservation and wildlife activists.
“Did you know that one-in-three two-headed turtles will die each year before they reach maturity?” exclaimed Matt Damon. “I mean… seeing as how there are only three, two-headed turtles in the world, it really is shocking. We have to step up to the plate and find a way to help save these rare species of freak genetic mutation,” he added.
When asked about why the celebrities were not creating a fundraiser for something more common like cancer, diabetes or AIDS, many of the actors took offence. “How dare you bring that up here! We’re here to fight for something noble. The two-headed turtle is nearly extinct and all you can think of is cancer? Get out!,” said Sean Penn angrily.
The evening raised a total of $46 million to ensure the survival of one of three, two-headed turtles. “And with your support next year, we can hopefully earn enough to help support the other two…” said Bono.
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