The Turnip News
Grammy-Award winning recording artist and convicted felon Chris Brown revealed in a recent magazine interview that he is "disgusted" with the behaviour of former CBC radio host Jian Gomeshi.
In an exclusive interview for an article in The Source hip-hop magazine to be released November 17th, Brown, who has been convicted of domestic violence for assaulting fellow pop artist Rihanna, expressed his disappointment and outrage of Gomeshi's behaviour.
"How could you hit a woman? Slap or close-fist, it doesn't matter - it's ALL assault and it's intolerable. Someone should lock this prick up," exclaimed Brown during the interview.
Brown, who has on more than one occasion, caused facial bruising and scars to many women's faces using only his fists, added Gomeshi "should be ashamed of his deplorable actions."
Brown finished the interview early to attend a preliminary court hearing stemming from charges in 2009 when he allegedly throttled and choke-slammed a female photographer for taking pictures of him leaving a downtown New York club.
<< >>
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Jian Gomeshi’s Lunch In CBC Breakroom Starting To Go Bad
Embattled CBC radio host Jian Gomeshi has not returned to his office in nearly three weeks since being fired. He has been busy trying to salvage his reputation as CBC lawyers have launched an investigation which could lead to criminal charges – But all that doesn’t change the fact that his two-week-old ham and cheese sandwich on rye bread has started to rot and will soon emit a repulsive odour from the breakroom any day now.
(Right) Photo: The fridge that allegedly contains Gomeshi's sandwich since October 26th.
Here’s What We Know So Far
- October 26th - 8:30am - Gomeshi places Tupperware container in fridge upon arrival at CBC building.
- 8:33am - Former Q Radio host walks to cubicle only to find news he has been released and is no longer on staff payroll.
- 8:34am - Security swiftly escorts Gomeshi from the premises as the sandwich remains in the fridge, untouched and well on its journey towards decay.
- November 4th - 3:03pm It’s clear CBC staff seem to acknowledge the smell of rotting food in the fridge. The sandwich’s rye bread has now completely turned green and is clearly visibly inedible.
*As of November 5th press time, the sandwich remains inside the Tupperware container, but that may not last long until a staff member unlocks the Pandora's Box of rotting ham and cheese and inevitably tosses it into the garbage.
More to come as this story develops...
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Weirdo On Bus Just Sitting There, Not Playing With Phone
The Turnip News
Local public Transit passengers confirmed there was a freak amongst them this morning after seeing a fellow bus rider just sitting in his seat, not using any kind of electronic device. “He was just plopped down in his seat, staring out the window and not using his handheld. It was very bizarre,” exclaimed Kathy Shorman, 33, who was near the obviously mentally deranged psycho. “No Facebook surfing, no texting, nothing – just riding the bus without any kind of entertainment. Fucking creep,” she added.
Before reports had surfaced in various media outlets, passengers who had yet to Tweet about the modern-day-nutcase had actually witnessed the crazy fuck take a quick nap. “How is he not texting someone or looking at Youtube!? I mean, something’s very wrong here. I’m glad I’m not sitting next to him,” said Jordan Hallwell, 28. At press time, the passengers managed to glance up from their smartphones for two seconds in relief to notice the psycho getting off at a downtown stop. “Phew, glad he’s gone,” said Hallwell before quickly returning to his online Scrabble game on his iPhone.
Local public Transit passengers confirmed there was a freak amongst them this morning after seeing a fellow bus rider just sitting in his seat, not using any kind of electronic device. “He was just plopped down in his seat, staring out the window and not using his handheld. It was very bizarre,” exclaimed Kathy Shorman, 33, who was near the obviously mentally deranged psycho. “No Facebook surfing, no texting, nothing – just riding the bus without any kind of entertainment. Fucking creep,” she added.
Before reports had surfaced in various media outlets, passengers who had yet to Tweet about the modern-day-nutcase had actually witnessed the crazy fuck take a quick nap. “How is he not texting someone or looking at Youtube!? I mean, something’s very wrong here. I’m glad I’m not sitting next to him,” said Jordan Hallwell, 28. At press time, the passengers managed to glance up from their smartphones for two seconds in relief to notice the psycho getting off at a downtown stop. “Phew, glad he’s gone,” said Hallwell before quickly returning to his online Scrabble game on his iPhone.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Homeless Now Living in Ottawa Potholes
The Turnip News
OTTAWA, ONT. – Canada’s capital has been
applauded for its innovative use of potholes throughout the city. Instead of
just being burdens on drivers and cyclists as well as horrendous eye-sores,
several potholes around Ottawa have been used as places to live for the
homeless. With shelters being over-crowded this time of year and a lack of
social programs to help them obtain jobs, many homeless people in the area have
turned to potholes as a safe refuge of warmth and shelter.Some of the deeper, larger potholes even have the depth to create more than one living space – according to one man who has been living on the street for over a decade and just recently found his new “apartment” in the ground. “Check this out. I’ve got a dining room here, and my bedroom is over there,” echoed Barrie Johnson from the bottom of the pothole pointing out different corners of the dark abyss. “I know it’s hard to picture, but I actually have friends over sometimes and I even have a date tonight! Which reminds me, I gotta clean the place up a bit ya know!?,” he added while nearby cars roared passed.
<< >>
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
NHL Player Says “Obviously” 34 Times In Interview
Returning home from Sochi, Russia, New York
Islanders Captain John Tavares was still in favour of NHLers playing in the
Olympics despite his season-ending injury. He wasn’t shy to address the issue,
nor was he reluctant to not use the word “obviously” in nearly every sentence
he spoke to reporters.
“It’s obviously a tough situation,” said Tavares while commenting on his torn ACL suffered during Team Canada’s semi-final game against Latvia. “We obviously know the risks when we’re on the ice and it’s obviously a tough pill to swallow, but obviously it happens…Obviously,” he said.
With only two questions remaining in the interview, Tavares had used 29 “obviouslys” already and was gearing towards finishing off his comments with a few more.
“As hockey players, we obviously want to stay healthy. I obviously wanted to help my team win, make the playoffs obviously. Obviously it’s frustrating,” added Tavares before leaving the locker room only to look back at nearby arena staff and mutter “Obviously” to no one in particular. As of press time, reporters remained clueless as to how many god-damn times players use that word, right before Jonathon Toews spoke and used obviously nearly a hundred times in under a 2-minute span.
<< >>
“It’s obviously a tough situation,” said Tavares while commenting on his torn ACL suffered during Team Canada’s semi-final game against Latvia. “We obviously know the risks when we’re on the ice and it’s obviously a tough pill to swallow, but obviously it happens…Obviously,” he said.
With only two questions remaining in the interview, Tavares had used 29 “obviouslys” already and was gearing towards finishing off his comments with a few more.
“As hockey players, we obviously want to stay healthy. I obviously wanted to help my team win, make the playoffs obviously. Obviously it’s frustrating,” added Tavares before leaving the locker room only to look back at nearby arena staff and mutter “Obviously” to no one in particular. As of press time, reporters remained clueless as to how many god-damn times players use that word, right before Jonathon Toews spoke and used obviously nearly a hundred times in under a 2-minute span.
<< >>
Friday, January 3, 2014
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)