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Team U.S & A Clinches 7th Straight Field Kicker Ball Whatever In Upcoming Global World Cup Of Whatever.

The Turnip News
Reports from alleged American sports analysts are telling us that some sort of Team USA kickball club (or team.. group?) has apparently clinched their 7^th straight berth into a tournament called the Global World Cup of…whatever it is. We’re not entirely sure what the sport is called, exactly, but it allegedly involves people running around on a grass field, kicking (or hoofing?) a checkered ball inflated with either air, or water (we’re pretty sure it’s air). They run around and kick it at each other – what they do after that is anyone’s guess, we are reporting.

Michael Vick’s Dog-Fighting-Ring Better Hidden This Time Around

It’s the beginning of the NFL season and Michael Vick says he doesn’t want any distractions. Helping the Philadelphia Eagles win games, make the playoffs and bring home a SuperBowl title are his top priorities – well, that and making sure he gets rid of any loose ends linking him to his underground dog fighting ring. Having been caught once before, Vick is in a new frame of mind and is more focused than ever, said the convicted felon who made sure to distance himself from THIS dog fighting ring. “I’ve learned from my mistakes, that’s for sure,” said Vick while boarding up an alleged crack house which up until yesterday, doubled as an illegal dog-fighting headquarters in downtown Philly.