By an Oshawa Doctor
Please sir, calm down. I realize that you must be frustrated right now and to be honest, who wouldn’t be!? You come in here looking for a competent, knowledgeable, well-learned Doctor to diagnose whatever that hideous protuberance is on your head is, and instead you get me.
Look. I’m not saying I’m not a Doctor. Oh no, not at all. I received my Ph.D. in medicine and healthcare from the University of Waterloo when I was 33. I have been practicing medicine for the past 19 years and am quite trained and experienced to handle any sort of incident from patients suffering any number of malfeasance. But I’m sorry to say, in this case, that largely disgusting pulsating lump jamming out the right side of your forehead baffles me to no end. I have no fucking clue what it is. Sorry.
Now, now, no need to get more mad. I mean, who knows what that will do to your second head sticking out the front of your skull. It may even make the god-damn thing worse. And quit touching it! I have no clue what that could do it, but I’m sure it could, possibly, infect it? – aaaaah, this is doozy. What the hell is with the purple mark on the side of it? Jesus… How the fuck did this happen again? Here, let me refer you to a colleague of mine who might be able to help. No, he’s really good, almost as well-trained as me. But this guy has a real passion for the extraordinary and downright strange so this may be right up his alley. Oh Christ, is it bleeding too? We should get to you a Doctor who can tell us what you’re dealing with here. Uuugh, sorry, but I can’t do anything else for you.
Anyways, Lunch time! Talk to my Secretary and she’ll set up another meeting for you.
Good luck with that!
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Look. I’m not saying I’m not a Doctor. Oh no, not at all. I received my Ph.D. in medicine and healthcare from the University of Waterloo when I was 33. I have been practicing medicine for the past 19 years and am quite trained and experienced to handle any sort of incident from patients suffering any number of malfeasance. But I’m sorry to say, in this case, that largely disgusting pulsating lump jamming out the right side of your forehead baffles me to no end. I have no fucking clue what it is. Sorry.
Now, now, no need to get more mad. I mean, who knows what that will do to your second head sticking out the front of your skull. It may even make the god-damn thing worse. And quit touching it! I have no clue what that could do it, but I’m sure it could, possibly, infect it? – aaaaah, this is doozy. What the hell is with the purple mark on the side of it? Jesus… How the fuck did this happen again? Here, let me refer you to a colleague of mine who might be able to help. No, he’s really good, almost as well-trained as me. But this guy has a real passion for the extraordinary and downright strange so this may be right up his alley. Oh Christ, is it bleeding too? We should get to you a Doctor who can tell us what you’re dealing with here. Uuugh, sorry, but I can’t do anything else for you.
Anyways, Lunch time! Talk to my Secretary and she’ll set up another meeting for you.
Good luck with that!
<<>>
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