The Turnip News
Parody news stories that enrich, enlighten and educate.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Monday, September 7, 2015
Authorities Capture Convicted Murderer Andrew Dufresne
The Turnip News (Archived Story, originally published September 7th, 1970)
MEXCIO - On June 12th, 1966,convicted murderer Andy Dufresne escaped from Shawshank Federal Prison. On September 6th, 1970 - he was captured.
What has been nearly a five-year manhunt culminated yesterday on a remote beach in Zihuatanejo, Mexico where he had been living his life with fellow escaped murderer Ellis Boyd "Red" Redding.
The two psychopaths had been ducking authorities for some time under false identities which allowed them to leave the country undetected. Dufresne was convicted in the 1930s of killing his wife and then having the balls to lie about it and blame it on some someone else. Either way, the judge and jury didn't buy that crap and Dufresne was handed life in prison.
"This is a great day for justice," said FBI field agent David Fisher who was one of the officers who put the cuffs back on Andy after so many years. "Our judicial system had found this man guilty of murdering his wife and as such - was given a life sentence. When he escaped, we always knew we had to bring him back," added Fisher.
"This animal belongs behind bars."
Police expedited Dufresne and Red back to Shawshank where they will spend the rest of their miserable lives in solitary confinement.
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Thursday, September 3, 2015
Hollywood's Successful Siblings - Mekhi & Michelle Pfeiffer. "This brother-sister combination has been taking the movie industry by storm for years!"
The Turnip News
Hollywood actor Mekhi Pfeiffer sits comfortably on our interview couch, sipping his morning coffee while checking a few emails on his Samsung Galaxy. The Turnip News Entertainment staff is eagerly awaiting the arrival of his older sister, Michelle, who is stuck in traffic and running late. This is one of those rare times these siblings have sat down together for a joint interview. Mekhi abruptly laughs when our News Editor informs him about Michelle's status. "Of course! That's SO Michelle," he exclaims. "Never on time!".
After a few more minutes, Michelle finally arrives and gets settled in next to her baby bro. "Sorry I'm late, what'd I miss? You tell them anything embarrassing about me yet?" she jokes while nudging her brother who can't help but show a mischievous grin.
The interview begins and it's obvious the success these two share on the big-screen is only matched by their uncanny physical similarities and common idiosyncrasies.
The conversation starts off fluid and light but we dive deep and uncover some shocking surprises about their success, living as the superstars they are today and where they came from... Learn more about the interview - visit The Turnip News next week...
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
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